I Ran Out Of Words To Take Your Breath Away

I'm going to try and compose this, but it's kinda difficult to write when your hands are shaking. So, here it goes.

A good friend of mine has just shocked me into taking a good, hard look at myself. And i really don't like what it is she's shown me. See, I'm actually pretty selfish, and self pitying. About two weeks ago, I spotted there's a couple of shitty characteristics I have, and am trying to strip myself of, but i'm finding it harder than I thought it would be. See, I get bored and change stuff around in my life a lot, but the one thing I've always prided myself on was being a good friend. But maybe I'm not. Maybe, it was all for a selfish purpose? It's pretty complicated, because I wrap myself up in these layers but I always figured that I was good at being there for people, that regardless of not being enough in any other respect, I was a good person.

But maybe I'm not. I don't know anyone else who has had, now six of their closest friends tell them that you aren't worth their time and they don't want to be your friend anymore. It's quite an eye opener really, in the crappiest way you can imagine. So I guess while I'm on this topic, I'm going to pick myself apart
I get eaten up with jealousy, sometimes. Really I do. It gets to the point that I can't even look certain people in the eye, because it just hurts. It's stupid because they are the loveliest people, so there is no reason for me to do it, but I do. And then there's this feeling of never being enough, not pretty enough, not clever enough, not nice enough, not fun enough. And then this whole debacle has only added fuel to the fire of self doubt that was already going pretty nicely without it. Ick.

Long day ahead people.
I'm in this mood, and its only 11.45
Here we go again