Hey Jealousy

Hey there mother fuckers...(sorry thats me paying homage to the truly amazing mark hoppus.)
this is gonna be a very weird one so im apologising in advance ..so heres whats going on inside my little head..I had a great time last night at the Judd shindig, though i really, really think the tequila shots may have been, perhaps unwise; especially when chased by equally unwise shots of vodka, and something that tasted like liquorice, with the beefster, who is officially my bgdmflob. damn straight.
but yeah, large parts of the evening have disappeared into a hazy mist of people and disco lights, but i do remember the bits i hope that matter, meeting new, exciting people; hanging with the bunch that i already know, and who mean the world, and maybe even the whole damn solar system to me. I also clearly recollect the bit were i was sitting on the edge of the boat, and it was just of those moments were you really know you're alive. Not in the sense that usually i have to check my pulse to find out, even I'm not that big an idiot, but its like you're acutely aware of all your senses, and the way the kind of throb in unison. Like the feel of the night air after a hot, sticky dancefloor, and the way the lights of the city as were went past meant that i couldn't stop thinking about 'the Great Gatsby.'
But after watching repetive one tree hill re-runs, im feeling really small. Like everything is moving so fast around me, and I'm struggling to breathe.
And in a way i forgot that sometimes i really need some time to myself. to kinda try and figure things out. But too much of that, being too much alone, makes me dwell on these couple of long term problem im having issues shaking off. Like i can't even control my own moods; and i cant be happy and smiley when evrything is wrong.
right now all i wanna do is hang out with my friends, listen to music and talk about guys, music, and bitch about the people that we'd love to be or the people who hate us.
.. also i dont get why the whole boy/girl thing has to be so comlicated.
and i hate that ive been writing a lot of songs, but even thats become hard now..it was my form of catharsism, but now thats been taken away too..

nothings easy anymore

although i do have my good friends that never fail to make me smile, and i'm gonna enjoy hanging out with em while I can.

So there it is

Also, the title has no relevance to the mood of the blog, it just came up on my shuffle.