Someone Take Control Of Me

I am spinning in infinity

With my life its going endlessly from control

(Neutral Milk Hotel - Wishful Eyes)

I wish for simplicity.

I'm majorly over complicating things that are not meant to be complex or intricate.

Today I've eaten an entire roll of raw pastry and just cried whilst watching Gilmore Girls, which is a sure sign something isn't quite right with me. I think its a horrible cocktail of exam stress, jealousy, wondering if I've picked the right path, this hugely familiar itch that comes with being far too similar to someone I'm threatened by (on two separate counts this time) and the fact I can't sleep anymore.

I really don't like those people who just whinge constantly, but right now it just feels like I've been holding in a breath for a long time and I'm afraid to let it out; and whats worse is that I don't know why. Half hoping that this blood test demonstrates something that can actually be fixed, rather than providing more unanswerable questions.

Two rather beautiful things have appeared out of the misty haze though. I'm feeling closer to God than I have for ages, which i think is due to actually praying honestly last night for the first time since evening were getting dark about five; and finally having that realisation that its not about being perfect its about being brave enough to be candid. The other is that my passion for the little things that I truly love has been reignited. The buzz of discovering new music that sets you on fire, re-reading old issues of NYLON, photos from the getttyimages/flickr collection that i just adore (like the feet in the snow, or the bruised knees), nerding out over Stephen Fry in America and writing things again.

I cut myself in a proper fringe again this morning, but I'm now left with a dilemma; bitchin' fringe but my eyebrows (one of my better features) are hidden.

Oh, and Enter Shikari's new song makes me want to blitz my problems away on a dancefloor.